Pain

Westley once said, "Life is pain"

And somedays, I think its true

But Westley did not

As I do believe

Say that pain has a purpose too.

Pain is annoying and tiring too

Its vengeance is swift and 

Precise.  But my Savior knows

That pain is a price

That is worthy to pay a price.

Pain will soon fade and grace

Will endure.  So one thing i choose

To believe, is my life is a 

Story of reason and grace

That explains why His grace is

Amazing.

Life is full of pain, sorrow, and ups and downs.  There is no use denying it--and there's often nothing we can do about it.  Unfortunately, people use the excuse of pain in their lives to justify all sorts of stupid and inconsiderate crimes and actions.

I have suffered from chronic tension and migraines for almost ten years.  Having just completed a round of CT scan, MRI, and lumbar puncture (LP) procedures, I am quite frankly fed up with my headaches.  My brain has taken to not consulting me on important issues.  

I am not a fan.

However, I continue to live my life.  Yes, sometimes, I do not get as much done as I would like because I am unable to look at a computer screen without my eyes feeling like they will explode in my head.  But I know that for whatever reason, the God I believe in is allowing me to experience this pain.

Now, for those of you who don't believe in God, this concept is a little bit perplexing.  I believe in the God of the Bible and most people's arguments again Yahweh is this: "How can a good God allow bad things to happen?"

Well, I have had my times of yelling, screaming, crying, and kicking God (metaphorically of course...although my foot sometimes makes contact with couches and bathtubs.).  And I have come to realize this truth:

being angry does not change your situation.  It merely affects how you look at your problems.

Now, imagine your favorite action movie without the pain.  First of all, all the action wouldn't really be so exciting because it hurts when people get punched in the face, shot at, or exploded.  Second, it would be really boring to watch.  Yes, being hurt tends to be a bad thing but one must admit that it makes for a very entertaining show.

And lastly, you know your favorite is good and realistic because it resonates in your soul.  Perhaps you don't relate to exactly what the protagonist or antagonist experiences.  But the human experience is diverse as the number of sand specks on a beach.

I don't think it is fair to ask about an "unfair" God.  I believe in a broken system--sometime in the past, our world was perfect.  Everything worked the way it was supposed to.  And then, man and woman each decided they wanted to be selfish.  They said, "Me.....me.....ME!!!!"

Now, we live in a world full of physical, mental, and emotional pain.  Anyone who has a relative who suffers from a disease, chronic illness, or mental health disorders should agree with me on this statement.

Life is shitty sometimes.

But the thing to remember isn't the shit.  The thing to remember is that I have a choice.  I can wallow in my shithole and complain and complain and whine, whine, whine.  Or, I can pick up a shovel, start digging around me, and try to get myself out of this mess called life.

Chances are I was the one who ended myself up in the pile of crap anyway.

Choice, in my opinion, is the last incorruptible power in the universe.  Yes, people do corrupt the power of choice.  However, you always have the ability to choose.

Once Upon an Age

Once, many years ago, the child felt whole.  Her laughter was full of joy and her smile mad the stars seem like tarnished diamonds. 


Now, she is standing between the cave of loneliness and the current of life.  One foot is covered by the current of life's flow.  The other foot is as far inside the cave as it can be without causing her to fall over.


The current is so very strong.
She feels absolutely powerless in the midst of the wave's mighty force.


Should she stay in the safety of her cave?  Should she be bold and dive head first into the current?


She has no answer to these burning questions and the feelings that are inextricably paired with them.


She is only sure of one thing: "I do not want to fail," she whispers.

The Way Home

The thin veil of dense mist filled the canyon.  The street lights created small, warm glows in the midst of a dreary landscape.

It is so very cold outside.

The cold cuts to the bone and steals the breath from your chest.  No matter how many layers you wear, the cold still finds somewhere to penetrate through, creeping in like an unwanted guest.

But the fog is beautiful.

It is eerie and reminds one of Anne Radcliffe's Gothic landscapes.  However, eerie does not always mean scary.

Eerie can simply mean atmospheric.

The atmosphere and mood created by the fog reminds me of life's complexities.  Sometimes, we are walking blind.  

But we have hope and belief that these warm pockets of light will lead us home...

Continuum

Continuum: Faith Connected is the name of the non-profit organization I am planning on establishing in the future.  Here are some details of the organization so far.   The area of non profit work in the world has exploded exponentially over the past few decades. There are now literally hundreds of thousands-maybe even millions-of organizations working to help the oppressed and save the needy from poverty.

Mission

1. This organization will seek to help those in need regardless of race, heritage, ethnicity, language, or religion. 2. This organization will focus its main efforts on those most desperately in need. It is impossible to categorize "levels" of pain and suffering. 3. As stated in the above point, categorization of pain and suffering is impossible. Therefore, this organization will strive to do its utmost to prioritize every need on a micromanagement basis. 4. This organization will hire the best and brightest in individual's various fields of study and/or interest. In order to do this, the first priority is to establish a team of individuals with a heart for administrative work and networking. 5. This organization will always remember that the end NEVER justifies the means. The means is the journey we take to get end justifiable causes.

Room

A room. Empty…except for a handful of boxes.

It’s dark…but looking closer you find frames

On the walls.

Old memories…smiling faces. Reminders of

A life that was.

She walks in. The pictures seem to light up.

She smiles as she thinks of those times…long ago.

In her hand,

She holds a watch. It’s old…attached to a gold

Chain…but still ticks faithfully.

Her heart is confused. Sorrow…joy…regret…

It’s been many years since she visited this place.

Her face is…

Uncertain. She loves this room…but it’s no longer

…home.

She closes the door and puts a key in the lock.

She doesn’t know if she should lock it…she may want

To come back.

But she’s certain that this room is her past.

It’s time to move forward.

She locks the door.

Home

She walks on the pavement,

A smile on her face.

But her eyes are averted--

She's homeless . . .

She sees on the walkway

A friend hug another.

But her heart is unmoved--

She's lonely . . .

She's sees in the woods

A couple in a moment

But her eyes they role up--

She's longing . . .

She feels in her soul

A longing to live.

But she can't grasp His hand--

She's desperate . . .

She opens her heart

And her soul starts to sing . . .

She opens her mind

And her thoughts start to soar

She opens her will . . .

And His love fills her up . . .

She's home.

Afghanistan

This picture breaks my heart. This woman's name is Aisha. She is the face for the woman who suffer in Afghanistan.

What we cannot see in this picture is that her ears have also been cut off.

You can see in this image, Aisha is beautiful. Her eyes are piercing. You can see into her soul. You see she has been hurt, abused, and treated as less than a beautiful, precious princess of the King.

But the longer I look at this picture, the more upset I become at the men who did this to her. I find myself wanting to beat the crap out of the man who looked at her thinking, "You are not worthy of being treated as human. You belong to me."

What can I, a poor college student far away from Afghanistan, do to help this woman and others like her? How can I show the love of Jesus to a woman I have never met?

One thing I know, I will be praying for Aisha. She is flying to America for reconstructive surgery. I pray someone will show her the love of Jesus. I pray that she will understand she is beautiful. I pray she will find peace, happiness, and redemption.

The following is a link to part of Aisha's story in Time Magazine:

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2007238,00.html

Life

So I've been in Singapore for over a month now. Things are becoming familiar and falling into place. But not completely.

Here's the thing about life: I don't think we were meant to be comfortable in life. Maybe that was the original plan but we messed that up in the Garden.

I'm not saying that life should be a string of uncomfortable and frustrating events. Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." But if we're really laying down our cross, our pride, and our hearts to follow Christ, should we be comfortable? I don't think there's anything easy about giving parts of yourself up.

But here's the beautiful thing: we don't do it alone. We've got Christ...and Christ in us is invincible (thank you Travis for such an awesome reminder).

We also have friends. Thank You God for friends! Abby Moore, Kasi Svoboda, Travis Cochrum, Amy Cochrum, Tandiwhe Kongela, Joyce Roth, Dana Gallup, Amy Wery, Jere Witherspoon, Anna Nieboer, Andrea Lawrence, and Megan Borjesson...you guys make my life so much fun! I love you all so much. I thank our God that He is a God of community. No matter where you are and what you're doing, know that I am praying for you.

So...there's a song that says, "Life is beautiful, but it's complicated." Yeah, I think that's true. But...I think life should be simpler. Live like you believe what you say you believe. Love like Jesus has loved.

And enjoy it. Embrace the ups, downs, and everything in between.

Goodbye

Goodbye-oh how I hate you!
Your cruel intentions
Do not care
That my heart is on the ground.

Goodbye-oh how I hate you!
You do not seem
To see this-
We all suffer from grief.

Goodbye how I despise you!

Hoping you do not come around again soon...

What a false hope

Women in the Middle East

I have been reading this beautiful book called Reading Lolita in Tehran. It was written by a women who was a professor at an Iranian college before, during, and after the revolution. She tells the story of herself through the eyes of classic authors using her secret class of girls to paint a beautifully haunting picture of life in Iran.

Sometime my senior year of high school, God put the women of the Middle East on my heart. I wrote about the oppression of women in Afghanistan for my senior thesis and absolutely loved it. I put myself into that paper because I wanted to try and understand-if only in a small way-the way these women suffer.

And now...as I think about my future, I wonder if the Middle East is calling my name. Israel, Afghanistan, and Pakistan are currently on the top of my travel list. I would so love to spend my days loving on women who have spent their whole lives hurting.

Could this be what God wants me to do as well?